Written on: Tuesday, Feb. 7, 2017

Nobody Understands.
Nobody understands!
NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS!
I could eat my hand
I would eat sand!
Another night of this canned fucking soup!
Fuck this shit
I wanna throw it at the wall
call for a pizza.
Why me?
What did I do?
I wish I never ate that steak sandwich.
December 29th, 2016
I wish I could take it all back
Little did I know
I would crumble and fall
would almost run out of
electricity.
No more silly me.
I complain and it makes me feel like suit.
I should be happy I’m still able
To stand, sit, and feel my heartbeat.
Don’t say you understand my frustration
you haven’t got a clue.
Were you born without a way
to eat by mouth?
I didn’t ducking think so.
Half my insides are man-made
and my age is Olney getting older
my insides follow close behind.
Slowly aging, deteriorating.
My sight on the future of normalcy fades
everyday.
What did I do to deserve this pain?
I’ll fix my mistakes if it will just fade.
I don’t want anymore soup or Jell-O
I want something substantial
nutritional.
I’m always hungry.
Tell me,
this will someday end?
My emotional state, my hunger is spent.
I’m so ready to be done with this
my frustration is at maximum level high
I cry and I sigh
and I’m ready to put my hand through
this fuckin wall.
Instead
I’ll just throw this fucking pen.
Maybe later,
I’ll drink the ink.

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I’m so sick of this soft food diet
soft food — it doesn’t even do this digestive system justice.
A digestive system in such a fragile state
like a sheet of glass
that’s paper-thin.
Soft food diet?
This diet
it is a diet of liquid and pills.
My stomach — it never fills.
It’s like Russian roulette of
Breakfast, lunch, don’t forget dinner.
Will it go down? Stay down?
If it stays may my throat hurt
and burn.
Burp up foam and phlegm.
They say it’s normal
because I was built like my maker was wasted
faded.
It’s not true
and anyone who assumes
I will make you fucking bleed!
Back to this lack of food piece.
I took it all for granted
Now I would grant bloody wishes
to digest all the best foods
or any food.
Fuck — serve me broccoli
some coconut and even green pepper
Hell — I’ll eat it like an apple that is whole.
I want to feel full
and for one day not foam
or feel the pain in this wrecked throat.
My stomach floats on Popsicles and Jello.
I can’t even digest pasta.
I don’t fucking understand!
I can swallow down vitamins and Tylenol
tea with honey
and if I’m lucky some fucking water.
It’s like catching rain drops in the desert.
Mashed potatoes — yeah, that’s a joke.
I just want to eat!
I don’t think it’s much of a request.
I’m not even asking for meat
or that delicious mexican heat.
Scales read — 136pounds.
How can that be?
I don’t even eat!
Tomorrow I’ll wake up
random people will think about feeding me a cheeseburger
assume my body is feeding on itself.
Is it so much to ask that I just want to eat?
My esophagus has defeated my hunger
and I wonder if my body can’t fight it any longer.
Twenty-seven years
it’s old and withering away
dying.
Attach a tube back up
like my life before I was two.
I’ve never been so scared
of the three meals a day.
Will it stay down
or crawl back up in pieces?
Soaked in foam and stomach acid
kind of like fat from a human cut up in pieces.
Fuck!
I’ve never been so frustrated
so fucking terrified!
Please — just let me eat.
I just want to eat!
Let me eat —  before I scream
scream until my vocal cords give out
and I can’t shout or cry no more.
Can I have one for the score?
Can I just eat?
Please!
Maybe God is there
if he is
you got me.
I’ll say I’m sorry
I’ll believe.
Please!
I’m begging!
I just want to eat!

​When I was young and figuring out love
I was blessed with the tidy mess of one
handed to me on a silver platter.
I never had to go out looking for it.
She was the first person I told I was gay
she looked at me with her metal green eyes
grabbed my messed-up, pimple-faced head
kissed me right there.
I was so flattered and all my dreams were coming true.

I wanted to say I do
I promised I would contain myself
I lied. I would have saw my bride
gliding down the aisle
I would have jumped up and down
in my now wrapped-up suit and tie
with my Superman suit underneath
it even had a cape!

Hey babe, did I ever tell you how cool you are?

Then. You died. And I cried
until I drowned in coke
and not the pop
you died. And I went on
but not really

I got older and my insides got cold
I stole another guitar today
Lets drink the day away
so we can function
I robbed the neighbor’s home today
Lets score some ice-cold blow
I’ve seen a gun in my face
it didn’t phase me.

I almost died at the bottom of the stairs
foam at the edge of my mouth
while I hold your picture in the palm of my hand
woke up in a hospital bed looking for you 
because I thought I was dead
I started to cry because I never die
I started to cry because it was time
to start my life

These days I wake up every day sober and so free
open my eyes to your metal green
picture-perfect, still.

I wish you could see me now
you would be so proud
my god son is five now
I’m twenty-nine and yes babe 
I promise I’m fine.

I will never be able to wrap my head
around what you did, but
I don’t hate you. I never did.
My love for you. It will never die
not as long as I’m alive
I shoveled off the stone of your existence
made it look nice
this is never good-bye
just
good night.

My Danger Year

I’m just a boy with brown little sideburns
oops.
I mean curls
don’t forget to correct my gender
because I live in such color, by such political correctness
who remembers easy days of 2003?
When wallet chains and overpriced band tees weren’t questioned by authority and every wannabe soccer mom in Oshkosh
Who remembers Hot Topic
and our dad’s wallets that designed
our fashion design anger
Who remembers 2003?

I am a dreamer
who still listens to “emo”
that must mean I’m sad
with a hint of mad.
For I am mad
but hunny, I am far from sad
watch my grin inch wider and wider as I slit your throat from side to side
it must be a result of my emo rage
blame Marilyn Manson

My fashion sense
is still a little whack
skinny jeans and tight band tees.
GC, FOB, can’t forget NFG.
Who remembers 2003?

I grew up in a time
where hipsters were not a thing
That was years ago
I have evolved to bow ties and funny patterned dress socks
but I’m stuck in a time where emo was still cool
when scary angry screamo was a cry for help
Hawthorne Heights
Who remembers my wild and mild body piercing?
Silverstein and Less Than Jake and Madina Lake!
Who remembers 2003?

Heyley Williams can’t find her keys
that she played hockey with last night
Chad Whatshisface took them while she slept
Sprayed them and painted them with gasoline
he wanted her dead
She found the spare instead
said good-bye to her bitch husband.
He stood in the kitchen in disbelief
scratched his head, his nuts, and went back to bed.
A week went by and Chad Whatshisface
no long wanted his wife dead
He forgot about the plot because he is dumb
A week later took her car, the keys with the soaked in gasoline
started her silver SUV and they all blew to pieces
Hayley screamed!
Now we can be together.

Livin large

Livin young and wild and free

But guess what?!

I’m not so young anymore, son.

Let’s have some fun in the sun, in the stars.

Rip hearts apart

Livin young and wild and free

I carry my weapons like I’m still at war

My demons just knocked down my front door

Saying, oh baby, baby!

I knew you wouldn’t stay away.

Face it,

you’ll always be my whore.

No matter what you say,

you know you’ll always want more.

One for the score,

two for the down and out.

I’ll always be livin young and wild and free.

My dirty little whore!

Come on and knock down that door!

Rip me apart.

Call me a shot in the dark.

I want more

and I’m here for the score. 

Written by: Jeb Jeb

Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Fox Valley’s  ska festival, Skappleton returns after being away for four years on Saturday, August 13 in Kimberly, WI and will take place at Tanners Bar & Grill According to the Skappleton 2016 Facebook event page, this year marks the festival’s 20th anniversary.  

2016 line-up:

  • THE HUB CITY STOMPERS
  • Dan Potthast (OF MU330)
  • KEEP FLYING (formerly Survay Says)
  • RUN AND PUNCH
  • THE BISHOPS
  • 4 ASPIRIN MORNING
  • BEAT THE SMART KIDS
  • BE LIKE MAX
  • THE HOLOPHONICS
  • FAIRHAVEN
  • TBD
  • TBD

Tickets for the show are currently available for purchase through Brown Paper Bag Tickets . The festival offers 2-day passes that will get fans into both, Skappleton and the Midwest Ska Festival in Chicago Illinois and will take place at Double Door